Snow Storm

Most of the Mid-west can now finally finish digging out from a huge snow storm... the storm that ruined Christmas. Okay I'm just kidding.. nothing was ruined. A few things had to be changed, or postponed, but that was okay with me. Being stuck at home a few days was actually the best part of Christmas all together this year. We had... 7 family parties to go to, and 2 work parties...so this time of year is extra busy for us. It was nice to have a few days to get some things done at home, and just sit around and relax.

Since Kelsi is home from college for almost a month she decided to make a permanent spot on our couch these past few days...so we thought it would be appropriate Christmas night to dress the part. Wade was more than impressed with our choice of outfit, although we never got him to join us.

Wordless Wednesday

Home Alone

I thought tonight after work would be a perfect time to watch an old Christmas favorite... We used to have the VHS that my mom recorded off TV when I was little. Welcome to 2009, I DVR'd (Webster's new word for 2010? I think maybe) it and can watch it whenever I want.

I thought it would be fitting as I really am home alone all weekend. Wade left me this afternoon to fly south to Dallas for the weekend. He is meeting a high school friend who lives there, and they are going to the North Carolina vs. Texas basketball game Saturday afternoon. If you know Wade at all..you know this is his lifelong dream. He is a huge North Carolina Tar Heels fan. He packed every article of Tar Heel apparel he owned in his little suitcase last night... I told him if he wore it all at once he would look dorky. Guess what, he didn't care. We'll see if the #10 Tar Heels can upset #2 Long Horns... ESPN at 1:00 if anyone is interested.

This is the first time Wade has left me since we've been married..so I hope I can sleep tonight:) I think Daisee and I will enjoy our few nights to hog the bed.

Wordless Wednesday

give thanks

In the hoopla of things that went on in the days after Thanksgiving... (don't forget the 2am black Friday shopping but that's a whole post in itself) I never got this done. I started this list of things I was thankful for, thinking I would post it on or around Thanksgiving. Well here we are almost to Christmas, and I finally think my heart is back where it belongs. Being so very very thankful for the life I have, receiving more blessings that I will ever deserve. I have to admit, in the past weeks I had my days of feeling like life was unfair, and that everyone else had all the things I desperately wanted. Boy was I was in need of a new attitude.

I'm thankful for....

1. Braces. Yes my parents loved me enough to pay thousands of dollars for my teeth.

2. Way way too much food in my house... while there are millions of people starving around the world, I can't seem to keep my hands off all the junk I have in the kitchen. When was the last time I was actually, hungry?

3. The Christmas mint M&Ms

4. Taylor Marie. Bailey Ann. Karson Allan. Paelyn Grace.

5. 2 perfectly fine, safe vehicles... with heat & air conditioning. Why is it that it always either way too hot, or way too cold in a car? for that matter...just the fact that we have a little switch on the wall that controls exactly what temperature our house is at all times. Wow would life be different with out that.

6. A God who lets me just be plain angry, and sad.. and in that same moment he is healing my heart, and making me realize how grateful I am. His Grace is more than enough...


7. The fact that I work in my own house, and don't actually ever have to step outside on the -34 degree wind chill days

8. DVR

9. My husband who will make me laugh, no matter how much "i'm crabby and don't want to give in"... he always wins

10. Friends who have been my friends since 1st grade, and 6th grade, and friends who have become my friends in the last few years.

okay, well at the sake of you wasting any more time reading my blog, I'll quit with 10. This in no way means that I am not thankful for my Mom & Dad, my in-laws, my sisters, my brothers, my dog, free speech, chinese food.. okay you get the picture.

a few weeks late, but never a bad time to think of all the blessings you pass by each day..
Happy Thanksgiving!

Scrooge

I had to put away the Christmas music from the blog for a week or so (it will be back, probably until march, don't worry I'm not giving up on Christmas) because I found this song, and I wanted you to hear it. I found this song on a blog that a friend told me about....Ironically the lady who writes the blog was going back and telling the story of her past miscarriage when I started reading it last week.

"I can't imagine heaven's lullabies, and what they must sound like. I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home, and it's all you'll ever know"
Glory Baby by Watermark

I typed at least 10 different titles for this post before I decided there was no good title.

So it's blank.

This wasn't what I had planned a month ago when I found out I was pregnant. I knew exactly how I was going to make the big announcement on my blog ( like it would be a surprise to anyone who reads it? wishful thinking) On December 16... after we told our family and friends our big news, I was going to post this picture.

Along with a bunch of other "cute" things I had planned to say.

Instead I have different news. I was 8 weeks pregnant when we lost our baby. It's still so weird for me to even say the word miscarriage. It feels horrible coming out of my mouth.

After 4 exhausting days of phone calls we never wanted to make to our family and friends, doctors appointments, physical pain, and even worse emotional pain I have learned one thing.

I am so so very loved. Loved by God, loved so much by my husband, loved by our parents, loved by our siblings, loved by our friends, loved by people I hardly even know. God knew I needed to be overwhelmed in loved by so many people to get through this.

It is so hard to let go of my dreams. From the second I saw "pregnant" on that test I fell so in love. And I started to dream of the thousands of things I couldn't wait for. For the first time I would feel my own baby kick, for the first time I would see my baby's sweet eyes, and seeing Wade become a daddy. For soccer games, dying Easter eggs, kissing scraped knees, and bike rides. Today I realized I can't ever let go of those dreams... because some day, some way they will come true. For the time being we have beautiful nieces, and a nephew to share those things with. We have such amazing close friends whose babies I can kiss and spoil rotten.

I feel like I should have this really insightful deep thing to say about it all. Some big life lesson we've learned. But to be completely honest, my brain is in a fog. I'm angry, and sad, and scared. This feels like a bad dream. I know a day will come when I can look back and see how we grew, and changed and moved on. Today just isn't that day.

Today this is what I know...the peace I feel more and more every minute is a gift from the one who loves me most of all. "Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid " John 14:27