it’s here

finally, it’s here.

birthaversarmas gift giving

Well, the time has come once again my friends.
{for a post that turned out to be really sarcastic}

By October I am usually in full Christmas spirit. Recently, I’ve started clicking away on iTunes to create the CD I make for all of my fellow Christmas enthusiast family and friends every year. “Sounds of Christmas: volume 4” should be released soon {Yes it’s a tradition. year 5} I usually try to have it finished by October 1st, but there has been a delay this year. (that delay shall remain nameless, but I’ll give you a hint: she doesn’t take naps)

I have already started thinking about the parties, the stockings, the traditions, the music, the lights, the trees, the food. The love. The family time. The togetherness.
aww, that was sweet huh.

Making/buying and giving gifts is by far my favorite part of the holidays. I look forward to dumping out all of my wrapping paper, ribbons & bows, and sitting on my living room floor, meticulously wrapping each and every gift while Sound of Christmas volumes 1-4 play quietly in the background, and a soft winter snow silently falls to the earth. I put extra thought and heart warming sentiment into each present I buy (or make), and although I’m sure they mean much less to the recipient than I intend, it still means a lot to me. {yep that’s exactly how it goes}

I thought it was time for me to share a few of my all time fav Christmas gifts I’ve received.  

Lisa Frank
Just type it into Google, I dare you. If you are a woman between the ages of 15 and 35 I promise you it will make your heart race just a little remembering the day when this bright and pretty crap filled the shelves of Wal-Mart, and brought with it tantrums and meltdowns because “I HAD to have it.” Well one Christmas I got it. And I remember opening that box and seeing it was full of glittery stickers, and velvety black outlines of pictures of  unicorns to color with makers that were almost out of ink before you even used them. I mean, who didn’t want the trapper keeper with the golden retriever on the front? Lisa Frank always made my heart skip a beat. 

***

 Personalized treasures. 
Once for Christmas, when I was about 10, I got a hoodless sweatshirt with my name on the front with thick black vinyl letters . I thought it was so cool. On the way home that night my mom told me “that’s for wearing around the house”. hmm, wonder why. aaaanyway,… I’m still a sucker for anything personalized. 

***

Stuff from my adult life.  {not that kind…c’mon}
My most valued possession. my camera.

Have I ever told you that my husband is good to me?
Well sometimes he’s not, oh wait, he always is…
This year for my birthaversarmas I got a new camera. I researched, and dreamed, and begged and bartered. And a few days after my birthday this year, the camera of my dreams was on my doorstep. I have not regretted giving up gifts for the rest of my life from my husband to own this bad boy.  If you yourself are hoping for a new camera sometime soon, try this one. “It’s an investment in your children’s memories, and there is no value on that”. 

Well, there are a couple of very wonderful ideas for you to keep in mind while shopping this year.
I have my Christmas shopping done. Thank ya very much.
Black Friday shopping from 8pm to 8am pays off once again.  

25 days of thanks

well, today is my day to wrap it up. it’s day 25. Thanksgiving.
I missed some days, and there are so many things I never got around to mentioning I was thankful for. {You can read our list of things we were thankful for last year}

Today I must tell you how thankful I am, for the best things in my life.

My family.  
 

We have known more joy in the last 6 months then I ever knew was possible.

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:6-7

May you be overflowing with thankfulness for each of your blessings today.
Because God is good. all the time.

p.s. if you have any questions you’d like to ask… comment HERE. I’ll be answering them soon!

25 days of thanks

today I am thankful for tug of wars.

because, who wouldn’t be thankful for a game where each person{or animal}, just um… pulls? Well, More specifically, I am thankful for my two 2 girls and the way they have a love/hate relationship.  She isn’t even 6 months old yet and they can already fight. won-der-ful.

For the record, Larkin can hold her own.

Also, for the record. Larkin was put in time out multiple times this weekend for growing up too fast. Sitting up on her own suddenly, eating her first rice cereal, and then, topping it off with saying ”da da da” clear as day anytime Wade would say it to her yesterday. We have it on video, or I swear I would deny every last second of it. Ma Ma was supposed to be her first word.  And also, we don’t actually put our baby in time out so don’t send the hate emails just yet.

25 days of thanks

Today I am thankful that I get to be a mommy.

{for the record I’m also thankful today for pajama pants, sappy music, Cranberry Splash Sierra Mist, that we made home videos with Jude, for a day with no plans, and a husband who completely gets me and knows putting up our Christmas tree can soothe my soul when it’s unsettled.}

Jude would have been 1 year old today.

on the anniversary of these dates, I feel just as empty as I did a year ago. I was in the hospital for 3 days before he was born, and I know that I smiled from time to time during those 50 something hours, but I felt so empty inside I was sure I had to have looked like a ghost, in the shell of a pregnant body.  The images, and sounds, and feelings of that day made me ache in the deepest part of my soul; and sometimes they still do. 

The ache is not so much minute by minute, or hour by hour anymore as it was in the first days and weeks.
Thank you Jesus,  that in the last year you have smoothed the aching wound, and while it will never be healed, it is a scar now that from time to time hardly hurts at all. 

There is one thing I have realized in the last weeks that I had never realized before: For the rest of my life I will mourn what I missed out on in his life.  Larkin is so incredibly full of life. She is the most energetic, happy, alert baby I have ever known. I watch her learn new things almost daily. The smallest thing makes us burst with pride.  She is growing, and changing by the minute. Those are all things I will never know about Jude. While it makes me sad to know I missed those things in his life, it makes me savor them in hers. 

I am not a perfect mom. I am probably not even a good mom most days. But if there is one thing I will do for my daughter it is enjoy every moment with her. I will savor the quiet moments, and make memories. I will make time for her. I will be present in her life. I will do everything in my power for her to know that she is uniquely special, chosen by God, celebrated as a individual, adored for who she is, and loved unconditionally.  

Every year on Jude’s birthday I will re-live all of those memories, and mourn what we lost when he left us.  I want to. I need to; to be reminded of what I do have right here with me today. I needed him to help me become the mom I needed to be for her. I need her to show me what I have to look forward to one day when I see him again.

And that makes me thankful to be their mommy.  

Happy Birthday Jude Willem. 

Larkin’s first time meeting her brother.

25 days of thanks

Today I am thankful for all of you.
I am thankful for this blog. 

It has been encouragement when I needed encouragement. It has been where I can vent, and cry, and be excited, and be thankful, when those seasons arose in my life. It has been a way to share the love, and share the pain, and share the ordinary moments. It has been a record of memories, and I am so grateful to have those memories recorded here; to remember how God has worked in my life.

makes you want to start your own little blog doesn’t it? come on. Your kids will thank you one day when they have more to remember of their childhood then a couple of scratched CDs full of unedited pictures. You will also thank yourself. Someday.   

Today… I am going to answer all of your questions. In case you have any. And I think some of you do, because sometimes I get surprise emails about all sorts of things.

Leave a comment with any question you want!
And I will answer them in a later post.

Boy I hope I don’t regret this. I already know my sister is going to post something embarrassing just to see if I really do answer it on this world wide web. yikes.

25 days of thanks

Today I am thankful for the cross.
I am thankful for the gospel.
Today I am thankful especially for the gift of eternal life. 
Because that is exactly what it is, a gift.

John 11:25-26
"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.

25 days of thanks

Today I get to stay home with Lark and I am thankful for that.

Today I am thankful for the sunshine.

Today we are healthy.
Today I will do laundry, and make my family dinner.
Today I will rock my baby as long as I want to.
Today I will clean my house.
Today I didn’t do my hair.
Today I will watch TLC while I make chex mix, and monster cookies.
Today I will say “how big are you?… Sooo big” to Larkin 25 more times because she is starting to lift up her hands and giggle when I say it, and it makes me so proud to see her learn new things.

Today I am thankful for a completely ordinary day.

25 days of thanks

Today I am thankful for all of the men and women who bravely give up everything, to defend the rights we take so for granted. 

I can freely write a blog post about anything I chose, because of you.

I  can wake up Sunday morning and go into any church I want. I can worship God freely, anywhere, anytime, because of you.

I can choose where my children go to school, because of you.

I can wear what I want to wear. I can shop where I want to shop. I can live the way I do, because of you.

I sincerely want to thank all present, past, and future military personnel and their families, and pray that today, and everyday, you would be celebrated.

25 days of thanks

Today I am so very thankful for my job.

I work from home, and can dig in the bottom of my fridge when I’m hungry for lunch at 11:00am {so maybe I just did that}, or throw in a  load of laundry between appointments.

I am my own boss, and can work whatever hours I choose.
…and I chose to work 3 days a week when baby L was born. And… that work schedule + mommy schedule is a match made in heaven.

I have had, and continue to have some of the best co-workers I could ask for. 

My clients are some of my best friends, my encouragers, my therapy sessions, and on a good day my laugh til I peed a little moments.

My job is my creative outlet, my source of income, my home away from home.{literally, and figuratively}

Although some days I’m a grouch when I have to get ready for work, or when I have to deal with “business” stuff  {I’m not exactly an “authority” type personality, unless it comes to bossing my siblings around} there is no job I would rather do. The Style Center, you’ve been good to me.

25 days of thanks

I’m trying. I’m really trying to come up with so many things to be thankful for this month…
but not today.

Today I’m angry. Not the raging, yelling, crying kind of angry. The sad, lonely, remember when kind of angry that makes my heart feel physically heavy.

One year ago this morning I paced my living room waiting for the clock to turn to 8:00am… to call my doctor to tell her that the baby I was carrying had not kicked or moved over the weekend.
She told me to prepare myself, and come right away.

prepare myself.

There was no way to prepare myself to hear, “his heart is still beating, but probably won’t be much longer. There is no way to know how much time he has.”

Elizabeth McCracken writes after finding out her baby had died in her womb just days before he was due:
“Time had bent again. Time had developed a serious kink. Our old life- the one where we planned our existence around the son we were expecting- had ended, but our new life- the one where we tried to figure out how to live with out him- couldn’t start yet. We were stuck in a chronological bubble. He was there, after all, still. He rode with us on the streetcar.  He sat at the café table with us. He appeared in the shop windows we passed, though I didn’t look to the side to see.”
-An Exact Replica of a Figment of my Imagination

Today was the day that started the chronological bubble I would be stuck in for 11 days. Pregnant with a dying baby, and there was nothing I could do, but wait.
And remembering that waiting today has me feeling angry.  I wasn’t angry a year ago. I was in shock and overwhelming grief, and anger wasn’t a part of it. It’s taken a year to grasp what happened, and with that has come anger.
and besides that, today I just miss him.

Today I am thankful for a God who can take my anger, and I know that too, he will heal.  That’s what I’m thankful for today.

25 days of thanks

If that forecast comes true (and it really does snow tomorrow) you’re gonna be thankful for this one too…

Today I’m thankful for enchilada soup:

1lb. ground beef (cooked & drained) 
1/2 small onion
2 cups fresh tomatoes (or canned petite diced tomatoes)
1 can black beans
1 can pinto beans
1 can creamed corn (I always throw in a little frozen corn)
1 can chopped green chilies
1/2 packet taco seasoning  
1/2 packet dry Ranch Dressing mix
1 cup water
1/2 t. cayenne pepper (or black pepper)
1 lb. Velveta cheese

Mix all of the ingredients, except the Velveta cheese in a large pot and cook until boiling. Turn to low, and stir in the Velveta (cut into small chunks) until the cheese is melted. Let soup simmer in the pot for 1-2 hours.

Now go get a piece of paper and scribble this down, you’re gonna need it.
Also, you will be thanking me for this recipe… I promise you.
I also promise you that it looks a little bit like vomit, but trust me… it doesn’t taste like it. {hopefully} and that would be why there is no picture today.

Now bring on that snow.

25 days of thanks

today I am thankful for Orphan Sunday

today I am thankful for the calling to defend the fatherless

today I am thankful for a God who has all things in his hands, when the numbers are staggering and heartbreaking

today I am thankful for each person who has stood up, taken action,  and said “there will be one less ” in the name of Jesus who has adopted us all

today I am thankful for the little faces, that will sit around the dinner table with my family on this Orphan Sunday, who are in the foster system. I am thankful that today, they are loved, they are safe, they will have full tummies, and they will smile.
for today.

25 days of thanks

Today I am thankful for my nieces & nephews.

Taylor
(Sorry sweetie, your uncle hadn’t figured out that I was “the one” yet when you were born so no hospital picture for us. Here is one from last fall instead)

Bailey

Karson

Paelyn

Paityn

Gavin

25 days of thanks

Today I’m thankful for:

25 days of thanks

Today I am thankful that God creates each person unique; special, in their own skin.

October 2011

{4-5 months}

25 days of thanks…

I am going to {try, uh hem. this would be a miracle if I follow through} post everyday for the next 25 days something that I am thankful for to have in my life…

Here we go.

Today I am thankful for my small group of Junior High girls. Love you guys!