Today.

ugh. I hate September 29.
I hate the way I replay the day they told us our baby’s brain was “not compatible with life”.
I think how I felt the morning of September 29, 2010 and how by the end of that day… my life had fallen apart. at least that’s what I thought then.
I hate how hopeless of a day it was.
I hate how quickly our reality was shifted, and the thing that had brought me the most happiness I had ever known, would bring me the greatest sorrow.

This afternoon I sat down on the couch, and grabbed my Jesus Calling devotional. I opened it to September 29. I could feel a lump in my throat as I turned for the page. 

“ I created your brain with capacity to know Me as Friend and Lord simultaneously. The human mind is the pinnacle of My creation, but so few use it for its primary purpose- knowing Me. I communicate continually through My Spirit, My Word, and My creation. Only humans are capable of receiving Me and responding to My Presence. You are indeed fearfully and wonderfully made!”  

even 3 years later, God sends me subtle (or not so subtle, in this case) reminders that He does not make mistakes.
“I created your brain with capacity to know Me- the pinnacle of My creation, but so few use it for it’s primary purpose- knowing Me.”
Jude’s brain was “not compatible with life”…. but I bet it was compatible to commune with God. And that was its primary purpose, after all. 

He was fearfully and wonderfully made. indeed.



I love how thankful I feel to be 3 years past it.
I love that I had 2 girls to snuggle today who call me mommy.
I love what God allowed us to learn in the most unlikely circumstance.

2 months.

You weigh 9lbs. 15oz.  (27th %)
You are 21 1/2 inches long (17th%)

Your face is as wide as it is tall at this point.. those cheeks continue to grow.
You have more rolls than I can count, and keeping them clean is a chore. (This is all new to mommy!)

You are starting to smile all the time, and even giggle every now and then.
You are a cuddler, and are rocked to sleep at night.
You have found your hands, and love to suck on them.
Tummy time is not your favorite thing, and you almost always spit up (and then put you face in it –gross!) if we put you on your tummy.
You have found your voice. We wonder a lot if you are “cooing” or yelling at us.

  

You still like your pacifier, and love your bottle.
You eat 4 ounces every 3 hours during the day.
You spit up after every feeding, but besides the amount of laundry it creates for mommy, it doesn’t seem to be a problem for you.
You fight going to sleep sometimes (10-11pm), but once you are out… you sleep. Until morning!! (6 or 7am)
Last night was your best night yet… you slept from 11:15 to 8:30. coincidentally, it was also my first day back at work. 

You are my little side kick, and I have learned to do almost anything with you in my arms. (including make scrambled eggs, wipe your sister’s butt, and type on the computer)
You love the TV, and will strain to see it.
Everyday you get a little more content to lie on the floor.
Your hair is the most beautiful thing I’ve eve seen. It’s so thick & full, and growing already. It also gets frizzy when it’s humid.
You hate to be cold, and love to be bundled up with a thick blanket.

Baptism

from her mouth.

Larkin’s latest obsession is with pregnant women. She has been asking random women, “you have a baby in your tummy?”. most of whom are not pregnant.
Yep, it’s wonderful. and humbling. and humiliating.

our conversation in the car this morning:

L- Mommy, is there is a baby in your tummy?
Me- No Larkin, and remember, we aren't going to ask people that anymore.
L- Is there a baby in Tina’s tummy? (sorry aunt Tina)
Me- No Larkin, Spencer was in Tina's tummy, but he came out now. And we aren't going to ask people that anymore.
L- It's bad manners?
Me- Yes.
L- It's makes people sad?
me- yes.
L- Mom, Mommy, you have a baby in your tummy?

Well, at least she KNOWS it's rude.
Too bad she doesn't seem to care. {grin}

growing season. for all of us

Well, I officially did not post on this blog (I have a private adoption blog, that someday I can repost on this blog) for over a month. I don’t know how that happened.
oh wait, yes I do.

I finally got caught up from Larkin’s Birthday. (only 3 months late)
The circus themed birthday party
Larkin’s 2 year pictures

moving on.
one afternoon this week they slept. for the same 2 hours.
my house has never felt so clean. (because all of the clothes and toys were off the floor)

That hasn’t happened again.

Lola pretty much wants to be held, all. the. time.
which is good, unless her big sister decides she too wants to be held.
which she actually has never liked, but hey… everybody’s doing it.

This new season of life is crazy busy. I have had to tell myself “they grow up so fast, it won’t be like this forever”… many times  in the last month.  Some days it’s easy, and some days it’s hard. but I know being these girls’ mama is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Okoboji :labor day 2013

50 days ago

1 day old vs. 50 days old

Same blanket, same outfit, same paci.
an extra 3 pounds, curly hair, full tummy, pants too short, extra arm rolls, much rounder face