on being inadequate, and giving up myself for Lent.

for the record… I am sitting outside writing this. (with no shoes, or coat)
with a 10 day forecast consistently in the 50-60 degree range, I think it is finally safe to say it’s spring.
And all of Iowa says, HALLELUJAH!

Lately I haven’t been a pinterest mom, a healthy cooking mom, a creative mom, or even a fun mom.
I’ve been a surviving mom.
I’ve snapped at Larkin for making a mess 20 minutes before we had to show our house.
I’ve let her watch way too much TV, and ignored her requests to read a book, or play kitchen.
We’ve had more cereal and frozen pizzas than I ever want to admit. 
I’ve ignored Lola’s whine when I know she just wants me to hold her. 
 
I have felt more inadequate in the last couple of months, than I have ever felt in my life.

The needs are all real. (and good, important things!) I wouldn’t give up any of the people or things that are requiring my attention.
But I have always (and probably will always) battle the pride of I can do it all. When Jesus is whispering, you just need me.

I really truly can’t do it. 
I sometimes am a lousy mom, and a lot of the time I am a lousy wife. I get crabby, and whiny, and complain a lot.

I need Jesus.

so easily ( and quickly) our focus is shifted from relying on Jesus, to relying on ourselves.
We want to do what will look best to other people. We want to do what will bring ourselves praise, the right job, more money, the perfect spouse, etc. right?
For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.  -1 John 2:16
When we are doing “our own work”… it is never enough. There is no finish line. There is never enough reward. When the reward isn’t enough, we feel like we’ve failed, we need to work harder, or do more in order to obtain the prize we had hoped for. See where this is going? I can’t do it all. 
and honestly, I can’t do anything without Him who died on the cross because of my ugly, pride-filled sin.

We need the gospel. We need His grace.
that which we could NEVER obtain on our own.

This year for Lent, I am giving up MYSELF, in order to focus on what God is asking me to do.
(and I should probably have given up Cadbury Eggs and Diet Coke, but that’s another issue)

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,
that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. - Romans 12:2

Catch up…

In case you needed something to do today….
I’m working on posting old posts (from our adoption blog) onto this blog.

Coming home!

real life doll

Lola’s check up

1 month old

50 days ago…

Baptism

2 months old

growing cheeks.

Meet Lola.

At 11:30 am we walked into the courthouse (that Larkin thought was a Castle for Lola’s coronation.. too much Frozen, anyone?)
… and 20 minutes later, our little sweets was our daughter.

Lola Renne, we can’t even begin to tell you how much we love you, and thank God for putting you in our family.


and just like that, months and months of waiting are over.
oh, happy day!


Start at the beginning!
Check out:
Lola’s birth + hospital stay

the wait…

is over.

The verses we chose for this baby before we ever met her. 
Romans 8: 19-21
The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.  
For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice,
but by the will of the one who subjected it,
in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage
to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God

  Today was the final day of Lola's adoption...
tomorrow she officially becomes our DAUGHTER.

warming trend.

I really can’t tell you how long of a winter we’ve had. It has been cold (I mean COLD) since December. While I do love a winter day, and snow… I’ve pretty well had it.  Carrying a car seat + 15lb baby, a 2 1/2 year old, a gianormous diaper bag, while pushing a full cart out of Walmart through the snow to your car (and then load all said items into the vehicle) was not so much my idea of fun when -30 degree wind is whipping you I the face. 

…and that would pretty much sum up the winter in Iowa this year. 

Today… even if the grass is brown, and the wind is chilly, I am so very thankful for 58 degrees + sunshine.

 

Monday is our final court date, and Miss Lola will officially be ours. All ours. not that she hasn’t been since the minute we met.
I promise about a hundred posts getting caught up on her life, and her adorable curly mullet.

I can’t wait for you to meet her!

a ponytail. like me.

Larkin has been obsessed with “ponytails” lately. She always wants to brush my hair, and then wants me to put my hair in a low ponytail. She will run her hand over it, and over it… and tell me, “I want a ponytail like you mom”.  I try to tell her that she does wear her hair in a ponytail sometimes, but she always says, “I want it to hang on my back.”  

(It’s almost comical because I was OBSESSED with having long hair “hang down my back” when I was a little girl. I would hang Christmas tinsel on the back of my shirt, and pretend that was my long hair.)

She has always been very very observant, but it’s getting more clear by the day that she notices the differences in our hair & skin.  I want more than anything for our girls to embrace our differences, and see the beauty in the way they were created. (because hello, I think we can all see how beautiful they are) I sometimes feel so inadequate being the mama of girls. There is nothing I can do to give Larkin a ponytail that hangs on her back, but try to explain to her that her hair is different than mine. Not worse, not better… it’s just different. Because we’re all made differently.

Tonight the girls were in the bath, and (as usual) Larkin was smothering Lola when she looks up at me with a grin on her face, “mommy! Lola is brown like me! I’m brown like her! We’re just the same.”