frosted banana bread cookies

{for the first day of Spring}

One of my favorite things is my Grandma's banana bread. I have her recipe, and I can't get it right. It's just not the same… but a while ago I found this recipe for banana bread cookies, and while they are not the same as Grandma's bread, they are so good.

COOKIES:
3/4 C butter flavored shortening
3/4 C sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1 C mashed bananas
1/4 tsp salt
1 tsp soda
2 C flour

FROSTING:
1/2 C butter
6 Tb brown sugar
4 Tb milk
3 1/4 C powdered sugar

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
2. Cream 3/4 C butter flavored shortening and 3/4 C sugar together in your stand mixer or large mixing bowl. Add 1 egg, 1 tsp vanilla and beat it for an additional 2 minutes.
3.  Peel the bananas and mash them. You’ll need 1 C total. (Brown bananas will be best, because they are the sweetest)
I gave Larkin the job of mashing the bananas, and she told asked me why I burned them first :)
Add them to the mixing bowl and beat to combine.
4. Into a small mixing bowl combine 1/4 tsp salt, 1 tsp baking soda and 2 C flour.
5. Add the dry ingredients to the mixing bowl and mix until combined. The dough will be sticky and slightly thick.
6. Spray the inside of a kitchen scoop with cooking spray and a large cookie sheet with cooking spray as well and scoop the dough out onto it.
7. Bake for 8-9 minutes or until the cookies are golden brown along the bottoms. Remove them to a cooling rack and allow them to cool completely.

8. Make the frosting while the cookies are baking.
Place 1/2 C butter, 6 Tb brown sugar and 4 Tb milk into a medium-sized sauce pan.
Melt them together on the stove top.
9. Pour 3 1/4 C powdered sugar, 1/4 tsp vanilla and dash of salt  into the melted ingredients and whisk it well to combine.
Let the frosting sit for about 10 minutes. It seems like a lot of frosting, but it gets thicker as it cools.

Christmas Morning

Christmas morning was so fun this year. The girls slept until 9:40 (Thanks to staying out at Grandma's house until 11pm on Christmas Eve).  I had consumed 3 cups of coffee, watched part of the Disney parade, made breakfast, figured out how to turn out TV into a fake fireplace, and drove my husband crazy all before they woke up. 

The rest of the day was eating, playing with new toys, and lounging around. During a busy busy season of the year (and season of life!) it was so nice to have some time at home with the 4 of us… pretending to sled in the house, playing with Legos & Play-doh, and staying in pajamas past noon.

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year. It's the pinnacle of the anticipation of the season, and the beginning of a couple of days full of traditions. Doing these things with my own girls was so fun this year. 

Christmas cookie breakfast picnic? Sure! why not.   

 
Ready for the Christmas Eve church service.
(Dressing them in matching outfits makes me ridiculously happy. don't judge me.) Guess they were cold?  Also, the reflection of us in the door behind them doesn't help. Getting these two to sit together is a feat in itself, so I thought we were doing pretty good.

Let's try standing instead
Larkin, hold onto Lola
but don't choke her

  

Christ the Savior is born!

Merry Christmas, the Kroezes

Christmas Program

Oh my heart could hardly stand the thought of Larkin being old enough to be in the Christmas program at church this year. My  nerves could hardly stand the idea of what she was going to be doing during the program, from the front row.

She walked into the church, in line, with all of the other 3 year olds. (gasp) She stood almost still, sang some of the time, did a few actions, and was perfectly cute and happy to be up there with 50 other kids.
She got a little bored in the middle of the program with a couple of slower songs, but I could see the delight on her face when she heard the beginning of her favorite jazzy version of We Wish You a Merry Christmas. 

Thanksgiving

We let Larkin choose what she wanted to breakfast while we watched the parade on Thanksgiving morning ,and much to her father’s delight she chose monkeybread.

These two cuties meticulously cutting up the dough… I think I may have 2 type A personalities in this house. 

poor Lola was not impressed that she could not help.
our house does not lack drama, in case you were wondering.

checking out the snow!

ready to head to Grandma’s house!

Happy Thanksgiving!

October 15, 5 years ago.

this morning I found this picture of Wade and I, the day we found out we were pregnant for the first time. It was almost 5 years ago.

We had been married a little over a year, and we were sure we had the greatest years of our lives ahead.
it hadn’t crossed my mind that anything could go wrong.


When I go back and think about those days, I wonder what I would tell myself if I could go back.  
What would I have said to help myself prepare for the things that were to come?

I could tell my 23 year old self to not hold on so tightly to my hopes and dreams.
I could tell myself make the most of the moments I had being pregnant, because they would end too soon.
I could tell myself that I would miscarry our first baby while throwing a baby shower at my house for 2 of my  best friends.
I could tell myself that this would not be the last time I would miscarry a baby.
I could tell myself that doctor’s offices and ultrasounds would eventually cause me great anxiety.
I could tell myself that even harder, darker days are ahead in our journey to add to our family.

But I wouldn’t, even if I could.

Because if I had known, I would have missed out on so much.

I wouldn’t have this picture of a tiny baby hand on the shelf in my living room. 
I would have missed the tiny baby kicks, and flips Jude would do in my tummy.
I am so glad I didn’t get the chance to miss that.

What things in your life would you have missed out on if you had known how hard it would be to get there? 
There is GRACE in the unknown, if we chose to accept the HOPE that God readily supplies.
It doesn’t make it any easier to understand when the bottom falls out.  But, it means that WHEN the bottom falls out, there is still hope. God longs to restore the broken, I truly believe that. I also have begun to understand more and more that we may never see (on earth) that restoration happen.

But guess what…

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart! I have overcome the world."  -John 16:33

He (who also happened to have created the world) has over come it!
And while we waste away with worry, and fear (at least I feel like I am!) He is preparing a place where it will be no more.
No more Ebola, abuse, cancer, ISIS, negativity, shame, miscarriage, fear, infidelity…
…that is where my hope lives. that someday, even if it’s a long time from now, all will be made new.  
I will hold Jude (and my other babies) again. someday.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
5  years ago I had never heard of such a thing.
But today at our house we are remembering our babies that aren’t here with us, and holding the ones tighter who are.
and thanking God for His grace to get us this far. 

28 things.

Since almost every post these days are filled with pictures of girls who are exponentially cuter than I am, I decided that I would write a post about me.
So, for my 28th birthday, here are 28 facts about me. 

 
1. I listen to the 90’s pop station on Pandora. It makes me feel like I’m 13 again, and I love that.

2.  I have gray hairs. Not just 1. Multiple gray hairs. 

3. My sister moved to Minneapolis 2 years ago, and I still hate that she lives 4 hours away. We snap chat, text, and facetime each other all day long. (she was so kind of help me come up with these “facts”. Of course I edited the swear words out of her ideas)

4.  I am the least competitive person in the world.

5. I’m annoying obsessed with the Duggers.

6. I have learned to accept it, but I will never be content with my girls’ toys scattered ever.y.where in this house.  clutter makes me bonkers.  



7. I heart coffee.  I make regular old Folgers every morning, but I love a french vanilla latte if I go to a coffee shop. 

8. I was on the basketball, volleyball, and golf teams in high school, but I’m pretty sure I would have been a better cheerleader. (see #4)

9. I am still friends with people I was friends with when I was in elementary school.

10. My favorite book to read before bed these days is a cook book.

11. When I was in middle school, I would wait for a night when my whole family would be gone, and I would stay home alone and decorate the house for Christmas. I’m pretty sure I have always been obsessed with the “the holidays”, and am sincerely thankful to God for giving me a child who has a natural “Christmas spirit”. On October 1, I said to Larkin, “ Today is the first day of October”, and she screams, “It’s time for Christmas!”. #favoritechildaward



12. We sleep with a quilt on our bed that my grandma made for me when I was 4. That makes those pink and purple pastel hearts 24 glorious years old. Wade was hesitant (what? ) to put it on our bed after we got married, but it only took him one night to understand why I will never let that baby go.

13. I never ever imagined how many logistics would come with being an adoptive mom. particularly raising kids who are another race. Sometime I just wish I could be their mom, and it could be that simple.

14. I am always excited for football season in theory… but am quickly reminded how sick of it being on TV I get.

15. I have a spray paint fetish. I regularly take decorations off my walls (Or a table. or a chair), and paint them a new color. 

16. I have 5 nephews, and 5 nieces. (plus one more on the way)

17. I hate any TV show, or movie that has violence in it. I want no physical fighting, conflict, or killing. My general movie rule is that I feel better when it’s over than when it started.  

18.  I am freaked out at the thought of my girls growing up. I am positive that I am inadequate to be the parent of a teenager.  This world is full of yuck, and I want so badly to protect them from it.  I would prefer to keep my parenting woes to, don’t lick that railing! get off your sister! don’t eat that dog food!

19. If I had to choose one form of social media it would be instagram.

20. I am a hair stylist, and I keep my hair a medium length, and medium brown. (boooring) I also despise blow drying my own hair.  

21. One of my biggest struggles is just to be content in this moment. I always am planning, and waiting for “the next thing”. I spend so much time wishing away the season of life that I am in, that I miss so much of what is going on around me right now.

22. Needtobreathe is my favorite band ever.  

23. I almost always will pick salty over sweet. Nachos are the way to my heart.
23b. I have been on a diet for the last 2 months, and I honor of my birthday I have already had 2 donuts, a cookie, and cupcake today. (it’s 11:30am)

24. We have had 2 “gender mix ups” out of 3 babies.  They told us Jude was a girl, and Lola was a boy.

25.  Wade and I started dating in April of 2007, got engaged in February, and married in October of 2008…. and I thought that was WAY too long to wait. I was ready to marry him after a few months of dating.
but I have since learned that Wade needs to research every single aspect of something before he makes a decision. I, on the other hand, do not shop around. I generally know what I want, and if I find it, I’m done. I guess that is true if we’re ordering lunch, buying furniture, or picking a spouse! 

26. I have learned more about God’s goodness in the hard times of my life than I have in the best times.   

27.  I am feeding my girls peanut butter sandwiches tonight, dropping them off at grandma’s (thanks mom!)  and going out for greasy appetizers with my handsome husband. #bestbirthdayever

28. I can’t even put into words how blessed I am to have Wade, Larkin, & Lola in my life everyday.