birthday

Lately I’ve been struggling with the fact that all of these “1 year ago”s will be coming up in the next weeks and months, and among the things I hope to remember, to celebrate, and to mourn, I am struggling with which day is "Jude’s day”. His birthday, the day we light candles on a cake and celebrate the his life.   

One year ago today was the ultrasound that changed our lives.

I have been replaying it over and over in my mind all the time lately. I have been very careful not “to go there” for the last months, and suddenly the vivid replay of that day has been creeping back into my mind. I have tried to keep the events of this day, far from my memory because to relive it over and over would be paralyzing. Things I had actually been able to forget are now as real as the moment it happened.

One year ago today I saw him for the first time, and minutes later I was being told that it was unlikely I would ever get to hold my baby alive.
They told us that our baby was a girl, when really, he was a boy. They told us we could possibly be carrying a genetic chromosome condition that would affect all our kids.

Just like that. In a matter of minutes my life was rocked, and would never be the same.

There is no sugar on top that I can say about today to make it sweeter. 
It was the worst day of my life.

…but even then there was hope. I do remember that too.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail. 
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness. 
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

For no one is cast off
by the Lord forever. 
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love. 

Lamentations 3: 22-26 & 31-32

God’s promises are true, and good.

{and my mad chalk skills}

If you aren’t already aware, my parents do foster care. Right now they have a the sweetest little 6 year old girl you can possibly imagine living with them. She is quiet, and thoughtful, sweet and innocent. She has the most infectious smile and giggle. Saturday my parents had a wedding to go to, and Ana came over to play at our house. {After asking my mom 30 times that morning when it was time to go to play with Larkin} 

I had chalk in my garage from several years ago, and I knew the perfect day would someday come my way for it to be used. Saturday was that day. It was sunny, and warm. It was a day that I didn’t care about cleaning our house, or laundry, or what was for dinner.
This girl can chalk it up with the best of them. She put me to shame. {except for that bike. Okay I was a little proud of my bike} For an hour her and I sat on the driveway, and wrote our names, and streets and building, and tractors, bikes, and buses. There were flowers in pots, sad crooked farmers in tractors, school buses driving on dirty twisty roads, and loves messages.
There were rainbows. The rainbows were my favorite. {plus I’m really good at them… so yea, there were a few extra rainbows in my section of the driveway} Besides being really pretty, and really easy to draw with chalk those rainbows are a promise from God. He keeps his promises. Plain and simple.
{my view for the afternoon}
It’s hard for me to understand why Iyana’s life has gone the way it has, but we know that He understands. There are people in this world who have failed her, but God never will. His promises for her are true, and good. Her sweet, innocent spirit has not been crushed, and for that I am so thankful.
God’s promises to us have held true as well. And they have been oh so good.

Sunday Larkin was baptized.

I never fail to get choked up at a baptism. For years it was out of longing. Longing to be the person standing up in the front of church with their newborn. Sunday it was because I was simply overwhelmed.  Here we were: Promising before God, our family and friends to raise Larkin right.  I was overwhelmed at how far we had come in the last year. The same pastor that sat at the hospital with us with our first baby, and baptized him was now holding our daughter. I was overwhelmed that I was her mommy; that I would be so lucky. I was overwhelmed with feeling like I would never be able to do a good enough job. The responsibility of raising a strong, confident, woman of God is a huge one; and yet God chose us. He promised to give us the desires of our hearts, and here we were saying, “yes God, I accept the challenge, and the privilege before me.”
{a dress my mom made out of the fabric of her own wedding dress… a blanket my mother-in-law crocheted for her grandkid’s baptism}

It was a beautiful day. It was everything I had ever dreamed it would be. 
God is so good. And his promises are true.

lions and tigers and bears, oh my

Some friends of ours bought minivans recently, gosh they’re dorks. (okay so maybe I’m lusting after the doors that you open with a button, and all that space inside)

Of course that called for a road trip.

We’ve done road trips with these same people before, but this time it was different.

We brought children. Masses of small children.

Okay, well actually it was just 3 little girls, but still…  

Kisses for baby Larkin… you know she got some lovin this weekend.

Mamas got to go shopping while the daddies took the girls back to the hotel for some nap time in the afternoon. Thank you daddies. 

hanging out in the hotel at bedtime…   

In the morning at 8:30 9:00 9:30 um, okay, so it was 10:00am we headed to the zoo.  

the group (minus my family) hangin with the sharks

Yes Nikki was a trooper walking all day at 36 weeks pregnant. And she never complained once. (and that is Larkin’s boyfriend in there, in case you were wondering)

Oh, what a nice family picture.  wait, my child was cut off.

on the way home Malia said, “mommy, big man scare me”.
hmm.. what big man are you talking about Malia? Oh wait, that’s a monkey honey, not a scary hairy man.

The day was ended with a carousel ride for the 2 big girls.

Fun was had by all.
Except maybe all of the adults. Oh wait, we had fun too.

Guest blogger

Today I would like to welcome my 2 year old neice, Paelyn, as my guest blogger on “Every Step Along the Way”. Today she shares with us a tutorial on how to make cupcakes for her mom’s birthday. Or as she would say “happy mommy my cake”.

First you have a lazy aunt “dissa” who buys a cake mix

You carefully, and neatly, place ONE (or 8) cupcake liner in each hole of the tin.

The next part is tricky, you have to let your favorite aunt do the mixing in the big bowl

(I had to stir it too to make sure she got all the lumps out)

We filled the cupcake liners, with um, however much batter I decided, and then I pinched the paper liner until the batter all squeezed out on the counter. I like my cupcakes like that. Aunt Dissa used some measuring scooper thing. whatever.

I had to make sure the frosting was okay, you know, the taste test.

Next I ran back and forth through the kitchen yelling “ my cake” for about 20 of the 22 minutes they baked in the HOT oven.

When it was finally time to try my creation, I decided it looked more like a muffin, and insisted that aunt dissa put butter on top of it. She said “okay, yes I will add butter to your cake. yuuum” 

and then I licked alll the butter off …

look at my cute double chin. I will do anything to make someone laugh.

happy (birthday) mommy!!

labor day

{Larkin’s first trip to the beach house}
sights of the weekend…  

***

Larkin’s 3 month stats:
11 pounds, 10 ounces
23 1/2 inches

-Rolling over both directions
-giggles, coos, and “talks” all the time
-smiles at almost anyone who talks to her, but is starting to get scared when she doesn’t know the person (and has the biggest pouty lip you’ve ever seen when she gets scared)
-sleeps 10-11 hours each night
-Wears 0-3 month clothes, but still needs some new born pants
-has succeed in completely turning her daddy to mush (he now spends half his day talking “baby” talk… which is very amusing to me as well)

August 2011

{2-3 months}

these are a few of my favorite things

{about fall}

TV shows start their new seasons.
Have you seen Parenthood? If you haven’t, please do yourself one giant favor and check it out. The new season starts September 13… It is so funny & smart, so real, has amazing music(which is always on my list of important things in a TV show) and has such good writing.

cooler nights = crisp morning
50 degrees at night? yes please. I can’t open our windows because of my ridiculous allergies, but there is just something so nice about letting the dog out in the morning, and feeling that cool air fill you lungs.

no more sweating
gosh I love when I run out into our garage to get the mail at noon, and return into my air conditioned house to find a little drop of sweat rolling down my back because it is 115 degrees outside. Okay, no I don’t love that at all.  It is a struggle for me to find time to shower and pick out 1 outfit for the day… I will not do it twice. Farewell sweaty clothes, dirty hair, thighs that stick to the leather seats in my car, and stinky feet.

scents of the season
pretty much anything that is described as the following: autumn sunset, apple crisp, pumpkin spice, cinnamon & chai, Halloween night, harvest moon, or crisp fall leaves. 

Chai Latte 
Thank you once again Keurig for coming through, and capturing another little piece of my heart when you came out with a Chai Latte for my coffee maker.   

Home
There is something about the impending holiday season that makes you just feel like being home. It makes you take stock in the things that surround you everyday, and see them in a new light. Nights at home doing absolutely nothing but eating chili soup, and watching football (or basketball if it were my choice) with my best boy and my baby sound just about perfect after a busy summer.

Uggs
Last Christmas my parents loved me so much they gave me what I had been lusting over for 2 yeas… my very first pair of Ugg boots. Heaven for the feet I tell you… I wore them with everything, and for all occasions; and have good intentions of doing so again this fall and winter.

well that’s all for now folks.
until later this week or month when I start telling you how beautiful the fall leaves are, or how much I hate that it’s September and still 90 degrees, or that fact that my baby is 3 months old tomorrow (sigh).
Happy Wednesday