sisterly love

most of the time they are so sweet to each other. most of the time.

random thoughts on motherhood

A few minutes before we headed out the door for church, the rain stopped and the sun came out. Phew. We got the obligatory Mother’s Day church photo just in time.

"At the very heart of the gospel is sacrifice,
and there is perhaps no occupation in the world
so intrinsically sacrificial as motherhood.
Motherhood is a wonderful opportunity to live the gospel."
{Rachel Jankovic}

Being their mama is the greatest, hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Sometime I feel like I will lose my mind…
and sometimes I feel like I could burst I love them so deeply.
At the end of the day, I can only hope I am pointing them to Jesus.
And praying that they will forgive me when I don’t.

The season of waiting to be a mom seems so far away now. I almost forget how empty of a feeling that was.  
This is what I was waiting for during our adoption processes, after miscarriages, after Jude was gone. 
I don’t want to forget that THIS, crazy, ordinary day (or any day) is what I waited for.
I am so thankful for God’s promises that were fulfilled through my girls,
but my heart is heavy for those who are still waiting for their empty arms to be full.
I can tell you this:  it is worth the wait. so hold on, the dawn is coming.

front door.

the welcoming committee would like to welcome you to our new home.

We’re all moved in! and breaking in the house by licking all the windows.

moving.

I have the best little packing buddy today. She is so helpful, she removes everything I put into the box… and then dumps it all over the floor. And yes, if you come to a party at my house and drink out of red + white straws, I did pick these up off the floor and keep them.

By this weekend we will hopefully be all moved, and living in our new house (across town).
Yesterday my dear husband and his mom painted in our new house for over 14 hours.
God bless them, and their patience when I would change my mind after they started.

Today is the last day I will spend at home with my girls, in this house.
This house, that we came home to after our wedding.
This house, that we brought our girls home too.
This house, that is filled with so many wonderful, memories. and some bitter sweet ones too.

I may feel differently when this house is empty, but today I am so ready, and excited for what is ahead.  

Easter

He is not here;
he has risen,
just as he said.
-Matthew 28: 6

Or in Larkin's words on the way to church, "It's Easter Day! Jesus is align!"
I asked her, "Do you mean, alive?"
She answers, "Yes, align. Hallelujah!"

our little family before eating lunch at Grandpa & Grandma Kroeze’s house

Annual Easter egg hunt with my family. Loving the sunshine and green grass!  
pinwheel excitement.

on being inadequate, and giving up myself for Lent.

for the record… I am sitting outside writing this. (with no shoes, or coat)
with a 10 day forecast consistently in the 50-60 degree range, I think it is finally safe to say it’s spring.
And all of Iowa says, HALLELUJAH!

Lately I haven’t been a pinterest mom, a healthy cooking mom, a creative mom, or even a fun mom.
I’ve been a surviving mom.
I’ve snapped at Larkin for making a mess 20 minutes before we had to show our house.
I’ve let her watch way too much TV, and ignored her requests to read a book, or play kitchen.
We’ve had more cereal and frozen pizzas than I ever want to admit. 
I’ve ignored Lola’s whine when I know she just wants me to hold her. 
 
I have felt more inadequate in the last couple of months, than I have ever felt in my life.

The needs are all real. (and good, important things!) I wouldn’t give up any of the people or things that are requiring my attention.
But I have always (and probably will always) battle the pride of I can do it all. When Jesus is whispering, you just need me.

I really truly can’t do it. 
I sometimes am a lousy mom, and a lot of the time I am a lousy wife. I get crabby, and whiny, and complain a lot.

I need Jesus.

so easily ( and quickly) our focus is shifted from relying on Jesus, to relying on ourselves.
We want to do what will look best to other people. We want to do what will bring ourselves praise, the right job, more money, the perfect spouse, etc. right?
For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.  -1 John 2:16
When we are doing “our own work”… it is never enough. There is no finish line. There is never enough reward. When the reward isn’t enough, we feel like we’ve failed, we need to work harder, or do more in order to obtain the prize we had hoped for. See where this is going? I can’t do it all. 
and honestly, I can’t do anything without Him who died on the cross because of my ugly, pride-filled sin.

We need the gospel. We need His grace.
that which we could NEVER obtain on our own.

This year for Lent, I am giving up MYSELF, in order to focus on what God is asking me to do.
(and I should probably have given up Cadbury Eggs and Diet Coke, but that’s another issue)

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,
that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. - Romans 12:2

Catch up…

In case you needed something to do today….
I’m working on posting old posts (from our adoption blog) onto this blog.

Coming home!

real life doll

Lola’s check up

1 month old

50 days ago…

Baptism

2 months old