trees

I had never been to a tree farm to cut down a live Christmas tree. Until now.
My sister-in-law emailed me last week informing me that Wade and I would be included in their family tradition of cutting down a tree this year. I’m not sure how it’s possible I had never been to this place before, but we will be back.

This place is the quintessential Christmas spirit fountain of life.
Never mind that it was freezing… literally.

The proud tree owner family next to their… something, a white.. fir? Anyway, I helped pick it out and I’m proud of it. She’s a beauty huh.

This little peanut loved every minute. Until the minute came to go home… She waddled around in her 2 sizes too big snow pants, and tried to pull her mittens off and eat the snow.  Last year when she came here she was only 5 months old and never got out of her car seat, but I love that this will be a tradition she will do every year.

peek-a-boo

 

I was home from work for 2 weeks after Jude was born. Contrary to what I originally wanted to believe, I did need that time to physically rest. But I needed that time to do more than that. I spent those weeks pouring over the pictures and videos of our time with Jude. Taking it all in. Making it all a memory while it’s still fresh in my mind.  I spent most of my days now feeling like something is missing. He’s missing. And so every night I sleep with his blankie that just 2 weeks ago we wrapped his tiny body in. Everyday I open up the box on my dresser, and run my hands over his tiny blue hat. I know there will be days when I don’t need to do that anymore, but not yet. 

so  this weekend, in my quest to make every memory we can,  we put another tree up in our house.
Jude’s tree is in his room. In the place where his crib was supposed to be, next to the chair we bought for me to rock him in. His tree will be up every year in our house now. With the “J” ornaments, and the lockets with his pictures inside. All the things people have given us, so that every year at Christmas we can put them on the tree together, and remember how much we loved him.

And I hope that every year it will remind us of what Christmas is supposed to be about.
The birth of another very special baby boy.